Black Coffee

I submitted this to the Necropraxis "Belonging" competition a few months ago. I haven't heard anything back, so I figured I'd post it here.

(I also want to just apologize for accidentally publishing this a million times and spamming all you lovely followers. Blogger kept telling me it couldn't publish it, I didn't realize it was lying.)

This is hopelessly dependent on Scrap Princesses Pandemonium Fracking Coffee. If I win, I figure I’ll probably give her the prize. Shared under a Creative Commons license.

What is it?

From people on the street:
  1. You won’t need to sleep for a month, it’s great.
  2. Man it just like, pumps you up. I just feel good, I can’t explain it.
  3. My sister tried it and she finished her novel in three days, it was crazy.
  4. The whole thing’s a scam, don’t waste your money.
  5. Listen, I don’t tell many people this, but - I saw something. A few weeks after I tried it I  made contact with, I don’t know, some kind of other being. Like, under all this, there’s something massive, you know? I’m saving up, I gotta try it again.
  6. Don’t even talk to me about that shit. I was throwing up for three days straight.

From literary sources (libraries, galleries, archaeology):

  1. Private letter from Pope Johan Riechart III: "This Satan's drink is so delicious that it would be a pity to let the infidels have exclusive use of it. We shall cheat Satan by baptizing it."
  2. Notice: "A PROCLAMATION FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF COFFEE HOUSES: Whereas it is most apparent that the multitude of Coffee Houses of late years set up and kept within this Kingdom, have turned over to the secret dealing of that malitious substance, known as “The Black Ichor of Life” or “Stun Gravy” … producing of many very evil and dangerous effects… his Majesty hath thought it fit and necessary, that the said Coffee Houses be (for the Future) put down and suppressed..."
  3. Concerned Citizens Group:"...Leads men to trifle away their time, scald their chops, and spend their money, all for a little base, black, thick, nasty, bitter, stinking nauseous puddle water."
  4. Recipe: water (250ml)... boneless albino civert cats (deceased) (2)...

~Player Line, do not cross ~